If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
