drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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