They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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