32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
