If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
