my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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