you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
