Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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