I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
