For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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