u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
