Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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