remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
