I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
