good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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