I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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