After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
