I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
