Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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