i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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