I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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