Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
