I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
