hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
