Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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