Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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