How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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