Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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