They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
