She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
