So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
