I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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