No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
