haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
love makes seman taste better
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
