It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
