My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
