i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
