Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
