So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
