Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
