you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
