Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
