Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I had to cum in my sink.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
