; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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