I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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