Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
