I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
