only you would photoshop your dick
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
