if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
