Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
