I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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