I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
