What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
