i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
