I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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